Elder Team Meeting October 2020: Effective One on One Ministry

Text: 2 Timothy 3

14 But continue in the things that you have learned and have been assured of, knowing those from whom you have learned them, 15 and that since childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise unto salvation through the faith that is in Christ Jesus. 

The number one thing that has made me effective in one on one ministry has been “what I’ve learned and who I’ve learned it from.”  Wisdom comes from the being a student of the Scriptures and submitting yourself to a spiritual father, a pastor, mentor, a coach…

16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Four things that scripture is profitable (advantageous) for…

  1. Teaching:  teaching is communicating biblical principles, and God’s heart
  2. Reproof:  reproof means conviction, brings self awareness (faults, failures, etc)
  3. Correction:  correction means to repair, or make straight again
  4. Instruction in righteousness:  the scripture equips one to lead him/her self, essencially discipleship, leadership training

There are 2 types of scenarios we deal with: 

1) relationships (marriage, dating/courting, parenting, grief support, peers; granting forgiveness, moving forward with a new perspective), and 

2) situations (finances, career, health, medical crisis, life transitions, education; what to do next, having a plan)  

An example of a scripture text I have used frequently is Mark 11:23-25.

Four components God will use to help a person take a next step towards Christ in their life.  All four must collaborate to produce change…

  1. You the Elder—communicate in a spirit of meekness (Galatians 6:1)
  2. The Scriptures—bring conviction and revelation
  3. The Holy Spirit—brings conviction and revelation
  4. The recipient—receives conviction and revelation, takes responsibility, takes a step of faith


  1. DON’T counsel with the opposite sex alone or make any visits to the opposite sex alone.
  2. DON’T give people money or promise that the church will help financially.  Give them a step to get their finances in order such as FPU.  We do not give loans.
  3. DON’T tell people to get off their medicines.
  4. DON’T give people your personal advice.
  5. DON’T make assumptions or jump to conclusions based on one side of the story.  There are always two sides.
  6. DON’T go into a meeting rushed or unprepared.  Pray for the person and ask the Holy Spirit for His wisdom and guidance to minister.
  7. DON’T go into the meeting prejudiced by 2nd hand information.  Remember, believe the best of every person.
  8. DON’T meet couples separately, always meet together.
  9. DON’T feel the need to fix someone’s problem, you are not their answer.
  10. DON’T do all the talking, learn to listen so as to understand the nature of their problem, then ask them what they feel they need to do.
  11. DON’T become impatient and write people off—God never does!
  12. DON’T break confidentiality.
  1. DO rely on the Holy Spirit and the Scriptures.
  2. DO keep the boundaries clear about the time (45 minutes) you will spend with them.
  3. DO be personal, kind, gracious and hospitable no matter what attitude they have, break the ice, build rapport.  Show personal interest about the person and by asking them questions about their spiritual journey.  Warm up the meeting by paying compliments.
  4. DO require that they follow through on their next step or course of action to resolve the issue before you have another meeting with them.
  5. DO always open your meeting in prayer so you can set the atmosphere with God’s presence.
  6. DO always close your meeting with a scripture, prayer, next step, with a positive word of encouragement of hope, and reassure them that you believe in them.
  7. DO listen more than you talk, listen to what is said, what is not said and what the Holy Spirit is saying.
  8. DO ask questions that will get them to think of steps and solutions to their problem.  What do they feel God is saying to them, etc.
  9. DO confront with an attitude of humility, use the first person “we” when correcting an attitude.  Make it a teachable moment and use scripture.   Encourage them to grant forgiveness to the offender and pray.
  10. DO encourage them no matter what the need that God is able to work in their situation and that you believe in them they have what it takes.
  11. DO keep them in prayer that we will grow and mature.  Text them and let them know you are praying for them.
  12. DO communicate respect and confidentiality.